Friday, November 30, 2007

It's never too late...

This is not a new subject for me, by any means, but today I heard someone say...

"It's never too late, to be the person you were meant to be."

Deep huh... I think it was on "ER".

So I've been thinking a lot about doing something drastic. I'm scared to death. Change is hard, NO? I don't want to go into it now, but the people I have talked to about it, have been SO supportive, amazingly so. When it's a done deal, I'll tell you about it, and I'm sure you'll get sick of me talking about it!

So wish me luck, and say a little pray for me....I'm heading out on a grand adventure...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Getting in the mood...

FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!! What were YOU thinking...shame, shame...

I just got back from choir, we are getting ready for our Christmas Concert on Sat.

We're singing MANY glorious songs. The kind that make you stand up and cheer. I'll give a full report on it when it's over. If you live in Utah, you should come, it is a great way to start your holiday season. Here's the Info Tell me if you're coming, so I can watch for you!!

This video.... is obviously NOT my choir, but is still thoroughly enjoyable!! :)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Christmas Quiz :)

I LOVE these!! Let me know if you do it too!!!

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Each year, you really get into the spirit of Christmas.
Which is much more important to you than nifty presents.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

How things change

So for about, oh I don't know, 4 months, Jack has been signing "more". Then he got "drink". Then "please". Then nothing, for a few months.

Well, the other day, we walked into the Dr's office, and he just started signing "fish"!!(he was heading toward the fish tank) It was so cute! Then during therapy, he signed "baby", when he saw the doll, without being prompted. We were so excited!! His teacher, and I ... screamed!! Fortunately, he did it again. :) The other day, he also signed, "more please", and "All Done"!!! So cool!!!

Then today, we were looking at picture books with animals. And after I showed him the sign...he did..."ELEPHANT", "PIG", "BIRD", and "HORSE"!!! SO COOL!!!

He's also knows what a cat, cow, and dog say!

Seriously...how cool is THAT?!?!?!?!

Another couple of cool things he does... When I get his bottle, (yes he still has a bottle- to go to sleep) He runs over to the chair we always sit in, climbs up and waits for me! :) He's also, nodding and shaking his head appropriately! It's so cute!! And he knows he's funny, but I'm sure I've mentioned that before! ;)

From this...



To this!!


He's getting SO big, SO fast...I hate it! But what a sweet little boy he is. I miss my little baby, but I like this Jack too!!

Healing art!!

This video is from the conference we went to in Vegas. We didn't do this activity, but we did see the aftermath!! :)

Enjoy!!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Today...I am Thankful!!!

I'm thankful for my family. Even when everyone is fighting, and we are a bunch of drama queens, I wouldn't trade them for anyone!

I'm thankful for a husband who has a good job, and provides for us, so I can stay home. And he puts up with all of us drama queens!! He is so smart, is so good at what he does. I'm very proud of him. I'm so thankful for how supportive he has been with all the Jack drama. He is my rock, and my "explainer". I always make him sit behind me, to catch all the stuff that goes over my head! ;)

I'm thankful for Nick. He has such a kind heart, and is a wonderful big brother. I couldn't have asked for a better young man, to be the head of my kids!

I'm thankful for Parker. He is the comic of the family, and keeps us laughing! And he such a ladies man. He is so insightful, and always tells us how it is. Sometimes...I appreciate it! Our family wouldn't be the same without him.

I'm thankful for Emma. She is my princess, and the little girl I always dreamed of! She's so smart, and funny. She has actual empathy, and is such a good example to Jack, and her friends!

I'm thankful for Jack. I often forget what a miracle he is. He is exceeding everything we thought he would be. He keeps us humble, and is the sweetest little person. When ever he sees someone crying (remember, we are all drama queens) He runs over and pets them! That is something you are born with. He is the perfect kiddo to round out our family!

I'm thankful for a Mom, who is always there for me, and has a heart a gold. She is the most generous, and loving person I know. I know I don't tell her enough, how much I love her, and the amazing support she is to me. She is my biggest fan, and moves heaven and earth to be there for all of my performances. And she is doing the same for my kids.

I'm thankful for my Dad. He hasn't always been around, but he loved Emma so much, and they were best friends, before he moved. I love him, for loving my little girl so much! She and we, miss you! And I am thankful he and Heather are there for each other.

I'm thankful for my brother and sisters. Mark wants so much to be a part of our lives, but with so many miles between us, it's hard. But I love him for putting forth so much effort, to make the miles seem not so wide. He also takes good care of my mom, despite the distance!!

Heather loves my kids so much, and they love her. I love her, cuz she puts up with me. She calls me a walking cartoon character. I'm sure that's what gave me the idea to work at Disneyland! I hope someday we can live closer. WE MISS YOU!!!

Suzi thinks she's not there for me enough, but, she is in more ways than she will ever know. Even though she's my little sister, I look up to her,and want to be her when I grow up!


I'm thankful for my nieces and nephews. Scott and Shane are wonderful young men, and my kids look up to them so much! I hope they can come visit again soon!!

McKenzie, Ashlyn, Caleb, and Ezra, I miss them more than I thought I would. They are getting big, and I'm missing it. I hate that. But I love them!!! They have the most wonderful personalities, someday I hope we can be closer to them, geographically!

I'm thankful for my inlaws. We're not very close, but I know, and have witnessed it, when the chips are down, they are always there.

I'm thankful for my Mother in Law. She is so generous, and so good about sending cards to the kids on holidays. Even though she is far away, they know she loves them, and is always thinking about them.


I'm thankful for Grandmother's that have passed. My Gramma Fuller was such a big part of my life. I miss her everyday. She would do anything for me, and did. She was always there for me, and I know she had a hand in sending Jack to us, safely. She died 2 weeks before Emma was born. While I'm sad she never got to meet Emma, here on earth, I know they were together in heaven. Emma has her sense of humor, and Nick has her nose. I only hope I can be half the women she was.

Grandma Beckstead, was so loving, and I didn't get to know her very well, but I know how much her family loved her. I'm so glad she got to meet Emma, and Kayleigh before she passed away! Her kids and grandkids were everything to her. She held the family together with a firm hand. She is missed by everyone.

I am thankful for wonderful friends, that keep my head above water. Many live in my phone, and computer. They are always there with kind words, and know how to make me laugh, when I want to cry. Sometimes, when I am crying. I don't know what I'd do with out you all!!

I'm thankful for boyfriends, who make me smile. Some don't know they are my boyfriend, some do. Like the cute boy at the pharmacy, or the cute nurse at PCMC, on the NTU. I know I'm a dork, but when someone goes out of their way to make me smile...they become my boyfriend! I'm also thankful for jealous boyfriends. It's quite the ego boost, don't you think? K that was awhile ago...but still! I'm really am thankful to all my ex boyfriends. Some more than others, but they all shaped my life in one way or another.

I set out to just write a blog about what I'm thankful for. It always morphs into something different...doesn't it???

Happy Thanksgiving, and my your weekend be full of warm memories, and good food!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Monday, November 19, 2007

Something happier

Oh my...It's a little early, but

GO HERE!

What is going on...

I'm not sure what is happening, but there are way too many bad and scary things happening around me. Babies coming too early, under way too much stress. Babies being born, and Daddy's missing the whole thing due to medical emergency. Mom's not being taken care of by people that are being paid to do just that. Marriages crumbling. Strokes, fire, typhoons, floods.

Seriously, when is it going to end? Ever? Why do they keep compounding each other? Why do too many things, happen to one person. I'm getting kind of sick of it frankly. Why do some people seem to have no hardship. No sickness. No surgery. What the hell is that?

Why can't we all be healthy, and happy? Oh that's right... opposition in all things. I'm sorry, but it's just getting old, and too much to take. Why do I even watch the news? Everything is bad. Dead bodies found, children run over by their parents, by accident. Don't get me started on the War.

But this week, with Thanksgiving, and the start of Christmas, we need to be thinking of the good, hopefully overtaking the bad.

Sure this baby was born too early, but she is doing well.

Sure, some deliveries are scary, and blood is gushing. But medical advancements the way they are... people come out of it "fine."

Sure marriages crumble. But sometimes, when only one person is putting forth any effort, it's just time to move on. (this isn't me by the way)

I don't have an answer for floods, and typhoons, and people having strokes, and losing all their worldly possessions, to fire. But I can say this, disasters tend to bring people together. Do they not?

Please say a special pray for those around you struggling, not that you wouldn't, but well, I just had to say it. But if you would, say an extra pray for my friends!! And I'll say one for you and yours!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I've been tagged!

My new friend Cindy, tagged me! It's for7 random or weird things about me. I'm trying to think of things most of you don't already know,and trying to keep in mind, my Mom read this... ;)

1) I have a boyfriend. Ok, I have a few. And they are very different people, and have different roles. But they have one common thread, they all sing pretty. :) Barry Manilow, Donny Osmond, Clay Aiken, and Ewan McGregor. See...I told you... And for the record, Donny is my pretend husband, Clay- my Son, Ewan is definitely my boyfriend, and Barry, well...he will make me dinner and fold my laundry, while singing ballads!! In general, "my boyfriend" refers to someone who makes me happy.

2) I have very vague memories about my childhood. It's weird, I remember things I have been told over and over. You know, like stories. I remember strange things, and sometimes, when I'm just doing things around the house, I get pictures of things from my past in my head. Like someone's house, or a store, or even an intersection.

3) Ever since I left Disneyland, it doesn't take much for me to get overstimulated. When I first quit working there, DH(we were dating/engaged) would ask me to go to the mall, or somewhere there were crowds, and I just wanted to be at home. That's weird for me.

4) I consider myself an "ambulance chaser." Well Fire Trucks too, I get it
from my Gramma. When there is a car accident near by, I always grab my phone-in case someone needs it- and hang around way too long trying to figure out what happened! You know, follow the skid marks, the position of the cars...stuff like that. This picture...hmmmm, how do YOU think it got there??

5) When I go through a period of buying clothes, I buy all the same color, with a few neutrals. Is that weird?

6) .This is kind of related to #3, but... when I'm alone in the car(which is not as often as I need), I don't listen to the radio. Weird huh...


7) Not that you don't know this, but I have 4 blond children, 2 with blue eyes, one with transparent green, and the baby FINALLY has brown! I think that is weird. And I have an issue with my biology teacher, who taught me brown was dominate!!

Although, Nick is getting darker, and Em, and Jack were both REALLY dark as newborns. Weird...


Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself. 3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. 4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Tagged: Mandy, Sarah, Shanna, June
, Danielle, Cami, Nikki. Because, these are people I want to get to know better, or they REALLY need to blog more...you KNOW who you are!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

"House" Tonight

I got this email today, and wanted to be sure to tell all my blogging friends too!!!

Don't miss it!! This is the group the sponsored the retreat we went to this summer!

We at CCA want to share some great news with you. We have been focusing heavily on awareness in order to reach more families. We think every child and adult with a craniofacial difference and their families should know they are not alone and that there is an organization out there that is ready to do everything possible to help make their lives more empowered and hopeful. To that end, tonight we get a huge boost from FOX TV. If you are a fan of the show HOUSE, immediately following the episode you will see a public service announcement for CCA.

The storyline is about a teenager who has a craniofacial condition. A documentary company is paying for his craniofacial surgery and documenting it. If you are familiar with the show you'll know that Dr. House and his team of diagnosticians always have a tough diagnosis to make. In this case, it is not the craniofacial condition, but a heart problem that confounds them. We hope many families who are not currently benefiting from CCA's services will be directed to CCAKids.org. We've made a valuable connection with the FOX Network and look forward to their continued support.

Monday, November 12, 2007

The sound of his voice!!!

Jack was so funny tonight, and so talkative. I grabbed the camera, and made you all a movie!!!

ENJOY!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

We got out...

Well, I think all the sick people are on the mend. Parker and Jack are now showing signs...but between us feeling better, and them feeling sicker, we all went to Wheeler Farm! We had so much fun! And I got TONS of great pictures! Remember I was telling you, I was wanting to get pictures of Jack with animals, so we can work on his speech? I GOT THEM!! I may try to get some with a few others, but for the most part, I got some fun ones! He is getting SO big, and Em too. It's fun, and sad to see them growing up so fast!

Here are all the pictures!!!

You'll notice I got our old gallery back working. Well, DH did... anyway...

To My New Friends: Check out our thousands of pictures!! :)

Heartfelt Thanks...

It's Veteran's Day! I am awed by the service that these men and women do for you and me. They are amazing, and I feel often times, go unnoticed in our everyday lives. I urge you to take time to tell every veteran you know, how much you appreciate and admire them.

So I dedicate this song to all the veterans out there, young and old. It shakes me to the core, to think of 19 year old veterans.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Friday, November 9, 2007

A Beautiful Tribute - revised

My boyfriend is on TV. It doesn't get any better for me...when Donny is in my living room! And my friend Marie!! If you are new to my blog...go here. :)

They are on Oprah. What an amazing family! I can see the pain in their eyes, from losing their Dad, just on Tuesday. But all 125 of them are there. They are consummate performers, and out there, making MY day, as well as a few others I'm sure!!! What a beautiful tribute to this wonderful patriarch. It was perfect. The perfect blend of humor, and sentiment. I laughed and cried. I smiled through the whole thing. And my heart is full.

They taped it yesterday, and the funeral was today. Here's another article. I really wanted to go. Not that I really could have, but I love funerals of amazing, musical people. If you have been to one, you know what I'm talking about. And I have been to or participated in many, in my day.

Oprah asked Marie why she was doing DWTS. She said, "I would rather climb a mountain than climb into a hole." I thought that was so great. She is such an inspiration. I also wanted to be sure you all see the doll she made for O. (Thanks M for the reminder!) It is strikingly beautiful. You can see it here, and read yet even more about the show. It was fun to see Marie so excited, and imagine what it took, to get that doll made. It was a great moment.

They ended the show with the song they ended the Donny and Marie show with for 4 years. But this time, all 125 of the family members sang. There wasn't a dry eye in the room, or mine.

May tomorrow be a perfect day,
may it find love and laughter along the way,
may God keep you in His tender care...
'til He brings us together again.
Good night, everybody!

I thought it couldn't get better, then I found this. Be sure to click on the "what happened after the show" link. They gave O a 4 generation family history chart! I am so proud to be a member of the same church as this beautiful family, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I too, have a testimony of righteous eternal families, that when we live worthily, we will be together forever.


Nick's turn...

Nick says to me last night..."Is 'ammonia' contagious?"

*sigh*

I listened to his back with my EAR, and could hear tightness. So we went to an after hours care place, and his O2 was 95. After a breathing treatment made a slight difference, they DX'd him with bronchitis, and gave him a scrip for an inhaler and steroids. He thinks he's gonna bulk up, and thinks the inhaler is the coolest thing...good grief...

Emma is feeling better, but still wheezy, and not much color in her face. In the ER her O2 sats, were 92. Oh my hell, I wish I could express to you how much I don't want to go somewhere...AGAIN! But my baby girl is more important than my annoyances...

I'll keep ya posted!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

FYI

There are 2 new kid isms, and I started another blog, of the old ones, and will continue to add to it, and put my favs on this main one!! It's at the bottom on the left...if you didn't know!

Enjoy!

Illness Update

My sweet baby girl woke up at about 5 am whimpering. When she is sick, she sleeps with me...for this purpose. I reached over, and she was absolutely on fire. I didn't take her temp, but I'm sure it was at least 104. She was talking to herself, and beyond miserable. I got her a cool cloth for her forehead, and gave her motrin, AND tylenol, and a drink. I just prayed , and prayed, it would bring her fever down. We fell back to sleep, and woke up about 45 minutes later, and she said, "Mommy, I'm sweaty!" YAY!!!! So we took off her jammie top, and went back to sleep.

I got up later and was out of the bedroom talking to daddy, when I heard her coughing. I ran back in, and there she was...sitting up, smiling, with PINK cheeks, and said, "Hi Mom!!" Oh my heck, I almost cried! She has totally turned the corner, after ONE dose of the new meds! She is still sick, but SO much better!!

I am feeling great. Sometimes I feel bad telling people I have pneumonia. Just a gross cough still, being VERY productive- if you know what I mean.

Both boys stayed home from school. *sigh* They are just stuffed up, so I'm pumping them up with vitamins, and airborne.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Guess what?

Yep, you guessed it. Emma. Her Dr. put her on antibiotics on Monday, but last night, she still wasn't even a little better. I tried to convince them, something else was up, but they said to give it one more day. I finally decided today to take her up to PCMC- ER, and sure enough, Walking Pneumonia. And the stuff she was on before, doesn't work on that...hence the fact she wasn't getting better. For pete's sake, why can they NOT LISTEN TO ME!!?!?!?!!?

Oh well, she has her new one, and hopefully will start feeling better soon. I am feeling MUCH better, coughing up lots of yummy stuff. But that's good right?? *rolling eyes* And DH is still feeling crappy, but has gone back to work.

Now Parker's nose is stuffy. *sigh* I think I'm going to get a standing order for the Z pack, all 3 of us are on it!

Oh, and I wanted to tell you of the small miracle that happened on the way home from the hospital. My gas light was on, and I should have gotten gas on the way up there. It's about 18 miles. But I was so worried about her, I forgot. Then on the way home, amid all the "she has pneumonia" phone calls, I forgot again. So I was driving down the freeway, and just before an exit to get home, the car chugged. I was talking to my friend, and said, "Oh no, I'm running out of gas." So I went to get off the freeway, and just before the light at the exit, it stopped. Dead. I knew DH would be mad. Hello...it IS my fault. So I called, and he was in the middle of something, and said, "I'll call you right back." Poor little Emma, said, "Uh Mom, what are we gonna do?"

So I tried to turned the car on, in hopes the fumes or something would get me the .2 miles to the gas station. (there was a sign right where the car stopped) It started!!! AND made it to the gas station. Well waddaya know...I guess someone IS watching out for me!!!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

How sweet it is...

So I went to the pharmacy(in the grocery store)...for the um...I think 4th time in a 10 or so days, to get my antibiotics. I was there the day after Halloween, and they had 8 carts FULL of left over candy. Oh how I love it when they over buy. So they had those reese's pumpkins, YUM!, for 34 cents. I think I have had around 5. On my many trips... I've also noticed the jumbo bag of reese's was on sale for $3.49. Still too much for me, for candy.

So today... since I was handed this sickness on a platter, I decided to buy the d*mn candy, as a treat!!! Guess what... they were on sale...AGAIN...for $1.79!!

WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So do you think I can live off Reese's Peanut Butter cups, till I get better? Come one...it's peanut butter...protein right?

*sigh*

:)

Karma...hmph...

So Karma bit me in the a**. Oh wait... that was the antibiotic. I went to the same Dr office as DH, I'm starting to think maybe they just stamp everyone with Bronchial Pneumonia. Do I have any volunteers to go with different symptoms, and see if you get the same diagnosis? Email me, and I'll give you the address. *rolling eyes*

OY GEVALT!!!!!!!!!

I do think I caught it early enough. So hopefully, it can get fixed, and we can move on...till the next thing. So I was saying before, how I just knew something bad was going to happen. DH says" Why must you be so negative." "Well, I'm not; I'm POSITIVE...something bad is gonna happen." (I stole that from a friend...good eh?) So lets hope that DH and I having Bronchial Pneumonia, is the bad thing. But I look at my sweet baby, and that's where my brain and heart goes. *sigh*

When...I ask you...will it end. A small reprise...is all I'm asking.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Wow...

What is MY excuse...

True grit: Woman with MS is last at NYC Marathon, a day later
NEW YORK — When the elite athletes passed her, Zoe Koplowitz kept walking. When the hard-core runners went by, she kept walking. And, finally, when every other one of the thousands of people in the race had finished, she kept walking.

Koplowitz crossed the finish line and completed her 20th New York City Marathon on Monday - just under 29 hours after she started.

Wearing braces on her back and knee and using purple-painted crutches, Koplowitz walked the entire route, accompanied by supporters. The 59-year-old woman has multiple sclerosis and diabetes.

"I'm just extremely grateful," she said after reaching the finish line in Central Park. "I don't get any younger, my MS doesn't get any better." She called crossing the finish line "a total blessing."

Koplowitz, a motivational speaker, was diagnosed more than 30 years ago with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the central nervous system. She entered her first NYC Marathon in 1988 and made her best time - just under 20 hours. This year's effort was 28 hours, 45 minutes.

The time doesn't matter to Koplowitz. She enjoys her unusual vantage point, which lets her see some of the world's best marathoners run by.

"The best part is you get to be both a spectator and a participant," she said.

Koplowitz started the 26.2-mile trek ahead of the main pack, this year at 6:30 a.m. Sunday, and pulled over to give the elite runners room.

The women's winner, Paula Radcliffe, won in 2 hours, 23 minutes, 9 seconds, just nine months after giving birth. The men's winner, Martin Lel, finished in 2:09:04.

Ruth Brenner, president of the New York City chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, called Koplowitz an inspiration.

"She's not letting MS change her life," Brenner said Monday. "I think she is a real champion."

Koplowitz also has completed races in Boston and London and hopes to keep taking part "as long as I'm able to keep getting around."

Her short-term goal, though, was to relax.

"I'm going to go home, cuddle with my husband and my dog and take a nap," she said.

4 out of 6

That's how many of us are sick. Daddy has stupid man sickness/Bronchial Pneumonia, and missed a week of work. Emma has been sick off and on for 2 weeks now, with a HORRID cough, croupy at night, fever off and on. Jack has green buggers and wheezy cough. I have the cough that hurts all over to get out. I'm hoping mine doesn't settle in my chest. It's been hard to breath today, but I don't think I'm wheezy...yet.

*rolling eyes*

The rule at our house is...you cough into your elbow. Emma reminds us...all the time.

So...when do I get a break...seriously...

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Red Sox Nation

Sorry, this post is a little late...but better late than never right??

Some of you may not know this, but I grew up in New England-Boston...well Beverly, Ma. My Dad was way into the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics, and most of all the Bruins. I really only got into the Celtics. I think a lot of it was...they won the 1986 NBA Championship, the day I graduated from High school. I remember people with their little radios, listening to the game. And the speakers, would give the score every few minutes. So the room was full of excitement. You can't help be excited with them.

My Mom and my sister are FREAKS about the Red Sox. FREAKS I tell you. My Mom has a Red Sox bracelet, that she refuses to take off, cuz they will lose if she does. She and Heather, have wanted me to get into it too, but I just have no desire. Well...THIS YEAR...was different. I was told; by a mean mean boy, in no uncertain terms, that "YOU ARE FROM NEW ENGLAND!! YOU HAVE TO BE EXCITED!! *sigh*

So I decided to get into it. It was history in the making ya know... And guess what, it WAS exciting. I SO know I am a bone head. And many people reminded me, that I need to at least PRETEND to be excited. So I decided for my loved ones sake...I would try it out.

My Mom has been brainwashing Emma, so she enjoyed the game with me! She told me, "Mom, baseball players spit!" Haha! Then she kept pointing out Coco C r i s p. Yes, that is his name. She was cracking me up!

So really I just wanted to say...

GO SOX!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Examine your life.

I subscribe to LDS Nuggets. I got this one today. Sometimes...I get exactly what I need.

"I urge you to examine your life. Determine where you are and what you need to do to be the kind of person you want to be. Create inspiring, noble, and righteous goals that fire your imagination and create excitement in your heart. And then keep your eye on them. Work consistently towards achieving them."

--Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Life's Lessons Learned", May 2007 Ensign

I was recently getting a lecture from a friend, about taking my life back. I feel like this depression has stolen my life. If you have dealt with this, you know what I mean.

One thing that has stuck with me from said lecture, is that I need to stop TRYING, and just do it! I have always said, if you are going to have a baby natural, you can't TRY, you have to be committed to it. If you go into it with the, "I will try to go as long as I can" attitude, you'll have a really hard time succeeding. I was telling me sweet friend this, and he said..."TAKE YOUR OWN ADVISE!!!" I had honestly never thought of my life in this regard. My friend/therapist ;) said, "Are you giving an honest effort to changing your life?" My first response was YES! But as we talked about it in depth, I realize I'm not. I'm giving a good effort, but not all that I have. But when you've dug yourself as deep a hole as I have, it is taking more than ALL I have to get out. It's a daily struggle with the old me, and the me I've become, and don't like. This whole concept of reinvention, melding the aspects I like about my old, and new life, and trashing the parts I don't. It's overwhelming, and exciting.

I'm doing things daily, to get my life back. One thing I'm doing, is to stop saying...Oh that is too hard. I just have to stop finding excuses and do it!! Easier said than done, but day by day, it's getting easier!