22 Minutes

I am proud to call this women my friend. Alice is one of the most amazing woman I know. I am so excited, Ch 2 thought so too!!

~*~*~

A few years ago Alice Perreault was at the grocery store with her son Julius. The cashier looked at her son and looked at Perreault and asked, "What's wrong with him?"

She'd forgotten all about that question.

"...It all came back to me about that worry of that question," she said. "And there it was."

The question came up about her sister, Renee.

Renee was born with Down syndrome. Right after the delivery, before her mother had recovered from anesthesia, hospital staff asked her father if he wanted to sign papers and have the baby taken away. Because that's what was done at the time.

"I spent my whole life with Renee explaining to people why she looks the way she does," Perreault said.

Now her son wasn't a baby anymore. And there was the question again.

During delivery, Julius' umbilical cord was pinched. He went without oxygen for 22 minutes.

He went into a coma.

He went into a state of neurological agitation. He cried for six months.

Now he had quadriplegic cerebral palsy.

But the cashier wasn't asking what his diagnosis was.

She was asking what was wrong with him.

That, in part, was why Alice Perreault started Kindred Spirits. Perreault, an artist and educator wanted to bring art into her son's life. But she also wanted people to stop asking that question.

That's why Kindred Spirits is an art studio where kids with and without disabilities work side by side.

And then display the work out in the community.

Perreault runs the organization in addition to caring for her son and her sister.

She doesn't want pity.

She doesn't want people to say mothers like her are "blessed." (She mimes sticking her finger down her throat. "Ugghhh.")

And she wanted a cashier to know that nothing was "wrong" her son.

So when Julius was looking up at her, wondering how she was going to answer the question, she smiled back at him and then looked at the cashier and said, "Nothing. We're having a great day.'"

For more information about Kindred Spirits click here.

The Art Access Gallery is now hosting a new show of Perreault's paintings, called "Gifts."

Copyright 2008 Four Points. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Me...get an AWARD???

WOW!! Thanks Lisa! I have been very reflective haven't I! Thanks for acknowledging me!! And thanks Corrie, for acknowledging Lisa! This could go on all day!

Anyway...this means a lot to me!! THANK YOU!

So now I need to nominate someone! After much deliberation...

Amy, is one of my very favorite people. I love reading of her adventures. I have nominated her, because I want her to know how much I love her, and how much I appreciate her friendship, and support!

Remembering what could have been...

So I came across Jack's birth plan. Someone on one of my support groups is going through what we went through, so I sent it to her.

I've been really thinking about that time. Mostly because of the speaking in my friend's class. And now reliving it through this mom. It's been kind of sobering. To look back on it. When I was looking for the birth plan, I found an email Steve had sent to the Funeral Association. I can't believe what went on in that conversation. It talked about how funeral homes don't charge for services for infants under one. But the do charge for "product". So if we wanted to hand make a casket, we could. It talked about cremation, and how she was going to send us a pamphlet on how LDS church leaders felt about it. It talked about how Steve had looked into how much burial plots were, at the cemetery a few blocks from our house. I don't think I ever talked about that before. It's humbling to share it now.

I also wanted to share what my birth plan said. Here are some excerpts, I'm leaving out the "details", other medical things, that are irrelevant to the feelings.

We would like this day is to be a celebration, regardless of outcome. Our beloved baby has been diagnosed with Semi lobar Holoprosencephaly, among other things. We are expecting him to live, but we also know that he may not. If that is to be, see pg. 2 of this birth plan. Please, when you speak to us, be up beat. Please don't talk about Jackson not surviving.

~We would like the OR staff to be upbeat as well. Again we are expecting him to live, please join us.

Here is pg 2:

In the event it looks like he’s not going to make it:

Please call our baby by his name, Jackson. This is our child, whom we love deeply. This love compels us to revere and treasure every moment of our baby’s life to its fullest natural extent. Your compassion and understanding during this bittersweet and difficult time are appreciated deeply. We believe that the memories of our actions during this sacred time with him will later console us.

We understand that after the birth, situations may arise that were not anticipated and decisions will need to be made. We want every measure taken to sustain his life. But if he is not doing well, we will listen to the advice Neonatolgist, and NICU team. We simply ask you to keep us informed so we can participate in the decisions as to what is best for Jackson; that no intervention be taken without our approval, other than what is outlined above. We trust you will respect our wishes.

After our baby is born, we ask that he be wiped, suctioned (if indicated), wrapped in a blanket and, handed to the nurse. Please hand Jackson first to Steven, who will bring him to me, as we wish to cuddle our baby immediately. We ask that vital signs, weight, medications and labs be postponed, if possible.

If Jackson has fewer problems than expected, please see pg 1 and discuss all possible testing/treatment options with us.

Other than routine post- delivery care, we wish for private time with our baby. We will discuss any exceptions that should be made.

We would like Jackson to be blessed by Steven ASAP.

Memorial / funeral plans have been made for Jackson, through Seren-i-care.

We wish to hold Jackson as he is dying or has died and want to keep his precious little body with us as long as possible. We would like to bathe and dress him. We have an outfit and a burial garment.

We would like to keep the following items as keepsakes: lock of hair, ID bracelet, crib card, hand and foot molds, birth certificate, weight card, hat/blanket/clothes, family hand prints, and photographs- color and black and white.

Please give instructions to Jenny on comfort measures for breast engorgement. (If you don't know, your milk comes in, whether you breastfeed or not, or if your baby dies. So yucky.)

Regarding our other children, we will decide what to do at the appropriate time.

We want an autopsy.

We would like Jackson to be an organ donor.

Thank you so much for helping us to make this bittersweet time more bearable.

I just can't believe this ever occurred. I look at him now, and can't believe we had to even type the above words out. I will admit, I often forget. I think it's a defense mechanism. I really don't know how we got through it. We just did. We had faith, and support, and love, from places and people we never thought we would.

While I am grateful for the experience, I never want to go through it again, and it's hard to watch other people go through it. I just hope I can be as supportive to them , as everyone was to us.

The Teachings of Jack

I have this friend. Some of you know her. She's amazing, and bossy. She has been so excited about this conference. Her youngest is considered Deafblind. This conference was for parents of kids who are Deafblind. At one point during the day on Friday, she was unsure her husband was going to make it, and invited me to go with her. At the last minute he was able to go, but another friend of ours, husband wasn't. So Lisa called me, and said...and I quote, "OK, we're getting started, you better hurry... see you in a minute." I was still unsure about going. It had been a VERY long day for me, and I was tired. AND...my son is not deafblind, so I was worried about not fitting in, so to speak. I could not have been more wrong.

I went, mostly to get Lisa off my back, ( I told you...she's a bossy one) and had such a wonderful time, and learned SO much in the 3 hours I was there.

They showed this movie, "The Teachings of Jon". This is just the trailer, but VERY powerful.



Jack reminds me so much of Jon. The way he communicates, but most importantly, the way he loves, and the way he teaches us. Jack has had a profound affect on us, and so many people around us.

At the conference, they encouraged everyone to think about, and write down, the things they have learned from their child. I've been thinking about it ever since. He has taught us SO much, I'm hope I can put them into sentences.

1) The first thing he ever taught me was to believe in him. He wouldn't be with us today, if I hadn't.

2) That I'm stronger than I think. I NEVER would have thought I could go through an impending doom pregnancy. Or handing him off to an anesthesiologist. Six times. Or anything really. I have HAD to find my strength, but I'll tell you, I sure found it, and I'm still finding it, everytime something new happens.

3) Support groups are my life line. I really don't know what I'd do without them.They are all listed on over on the right. It's so nice to be able to tell them how I feel, and they get it! Or if I have a question, someone ALWAYS has an answer. They are happy to share in my trials, and triumphs. I have made the most wonderful friends from these groups. For them alone; I am thankful for Jack.

4) I've learned a new definition of beauty. I look back at pictures, and sometimes, I'm a little shocked. I notice how big his head was. How wide his cleft was. How flat his nose... is! I honestly never saw any of those things. He was and is perfect.

5) My kids have learned so much. And their friends. I love that Jack will be the boy their friends talk about when they get older. "I had a friend whose little brother who had a cleft lip...or hydrocephalus...or wasn't supposed to live." I love that my kids have gotten to know other kids with disabilities. The two conferences we have been able to go as a family, have truly changed our lives. If only to have the kids meet other kids like them, or Jack. Even better, kids who are more severe than Jack.

6) I've learned so much from other parents. Being in a room full of parents, going through some of the same things, is amazing. Mostly, that we are normal, and not alone!!!

7) True joy!

8) Miracles still happen.

I'm so glad Lisa "made" me go. I met some wonderful people, and I'm so thankful for the challenge to write down what having Jack in our family has taught us. There are of course more, and most of the things I write about here...but these are things that are in my heart tonight!

Me...a public speaker?!?

I have ALWAYS hated public speaking. Which is weird. I love to sing, and perform. I've been in many performing groups, and plays. Been the lead in a few. But I hate to talk in church, or in front of a large crowd. I really think, it is because I have to use my own words. I never thought I put my words together well, and sometimes, I hate the sound of my voice.

But something changed, when I discovered I had something to say.

When we first found out about Jack, I scoured the internet, looking for some sort of hope, and support. I found out about blogs, and so it began.

The blogs I found were so comforting to me. It was so nice to know, we were not the only ones going through similar things. So I started my own, to hopefully be that for someone else. Plus it's a great way to keep people updated on the twists and turns.

So back in January, I sat on a parent panel, at the Birth Defects Conference. It was a nice way to ease in, because people just asked questions, and I would choose to either answer it, or not. Mostly did, cuz...well...I have a lot to say on the subject of Jack.

Then a friend called me last week, and asked me to speak to her Psychology class. They were studying, birth defects, and how knowing prenatally affects the parents. Um...right up my alley!!
I was supposed to go the Monday after she asked, but called her to postpone. I just could pull together what I wanted to say. What parts do I tell them? How much detail, do I give them birth defect facts, or numbers? Do I show them Jack's birthday slide show?

So I decided...to just tell the story, from the beginning. I prayed ALOT, to have the right things to say. And I made a new video. I put new pictures in, and kind of told the story. It went SO great, and while I was worried about filling up the whole time, I ran OUT of time, and I'm going back tomorrow. I'll show them the video, and the professor told them, they all had to write down 5 questions. OYE! Should be interesting! I'll let ya know how tomorrow goes. And here is the video. Like everything...It's not perfect, cuz the music is messed up in the beginning, but once you are past it... Well I hope you'll enjoy it!!

Reinvention

I overheard a couple of women talking today. I didn't hear much of it, but she was talking about "reinventing" yourself. It really hit me. I keep saying, "I'm not the same person I used to be." Like it is a bad thing. I have been so down on myself, but I need to change my thinking.

We shouldn't think it's a bad thing, if we don't get to do the things we used to do. Each life event, changes us. Whether we want it to or not. Some we choose, others a thrust upon us. Shouldn't we always be "reinventing" ourselves? Instead of whining that life has changed?

So...I need to figure out, who this new me is. Is she a mom struggling to make sure everyone is happy? Is she an advocate, for those who can't advocate for themselves? I guess it all comes back to balance.

But what I'm trying to convince myself is, sure I may not have the same friends, or even the same goals as I did before Jack. But, I have GOT to figure out what exactly my goals are, LIFE goals, not just for today or this week.

I need to REINVENT myself. And stop whining about who I used to be. I will never be her again. But it's not all a bad thing. Now I just need to meld the old me and the new me! REINVENT me. I don't think it will be hard, it's just RENAMING it. Ya know?

Life happens.

First...thanks for all the nice comments, and funny ones, on my last post. It was one of those times, when writing, took on a life of it's own. That relationship, was over 20 years ago. I really never realized, what he meant to me, till Lisa stirred up memories for me. I started out, to write just about HS relationships. And it morphed into that...

I've since emailed him., and we have lead completely opposite lives. He has lived all over the world, with the Navy. I have pretty much stayed put, since I got married. He has two boys, that are the spitting image, by the way. His oldest, started college this fall, youngest is a senior.

As I was telling him about Jack, and...everything related...he was astounded. "You've been through so much!" Then he tells me, he was in the war, back in the 90's, twice. Has almost been deployed to Iraq, a number of times, but so far has escaped, and lost EVERYTHING in Katrina. Um...I'll take 6 surgeries, and a way cute baby thanks.

My point in telling all YOU this, it is has had me thinking. At one point, this boy and I thought we'd be together forever. But that is not what was destined. I tend to only think of the "right now." Everything is GREAT right now, or EVERYTHING STINKS, right now. Talking to him, has given me more of a life, even an eternal perspective.

First of all, the saying, "this too shall past." I'm just REALLY figuring out, the boys aren't little anymore, running around in diapers, cuz we didn't go anywhere. When we were in this stage, I thought, this is my life! Babies. Well people, they are 12 and 10. And it happened when I wasn't looking. Emma. She just rocks my world. But I still can't believe how old she is getting, and I still feel like I kind of missed some of it. Jack, is growing up before my eyes. I guess I've watched him do it more. I have SO many pictures. I have TREASURED his babyhood. Probably cuz we wondered if there would be one.

It is amazing to me, how long childbearing years are. I know, that probably sounds stupid, but really. I have been in my childbearing years, for about 25 or so years now. People I knew in HS, that got pregnant, have a child who is an adult, and could even be a grandparent. What is THAT!?!?! How did I get so old?? That is so not my point, but anyway...

It astounds me, how I have 4 kids, relatively young. And this man-now, is almost an empty nester. It happens when you are not looking. It happens, when you are trying to absorb EVERY moment, every bit of drool, every bit of learning to talk, every bit of learning to read, the tooth fairy, Santa Clause, Easter bunny, and little friends, and taking math tests, homework, and going on trips, and puppy love.

It is humbling to think that they will get old, whether I do anything about it or not. How can this boy...not a boy anymore...and I, that at one time, had a similar "wish" of an outcome, be in two totally different places.

I guess I have realized, I need to step it up. You hear people say all the time, "Love your kids NOW...be with them, play with them, cuz before you know it, they will be gone." We were talking about how his kids are almost gone, and I was saying I had YEARS before mine were gone. BUT...Nick will be gone before I know it. The last 12 years, have gone by in what seems like a matter of days. So much has happened, but I feel like I've missed most of it.

So where do we find it. The balance of making sure we don't miss out on our kids' childhood. But also, making sure the house is clean. And giving of ourselves to the community, the school, our churches. I'm still learning to find that balance. Do we ever totally have it?

I think I've gone off an a tangent...again. I hope you can see what I'm trying to say. I have just realized, life is passing me by, while I sit in my funk. The world is not on pause, waiting for me to come out of it. I remember when Emma was born, and I was working at the school. I worked the day I went in to be induced, and had been there everyday, prior to that. I went back to school after sitting on my couch nursing for 6 weeks, and was kind of blown away, that whole time I was sitting on my couch, people were still living their lives. I know, I have problems. ;)

So I am resolving today, to stop my stupid behaviors, and get on with my life. Be a better mom, and wife, and friend. I need to do things that make ME happy, and not depend on others to make me happy. I need to cherish every moment, without over doing it. I need to not let the little things bog me down. I need to be the person I used to be... and more.

Wish me luck, it's easier said than done. But I think I just might be up for it!

Who has helped shape who you are?

So Lisa, just posted some thoughts on the past. It's got me thinking too. Especially with Nick starting Jr High. I moved away, to almost the other side of the country shortly after High School. I have lost touch with so many friends from High School.

Remember in high school, thinking it would always be that way. The boy you were dating... He was the one. You told everyone you were getting married someday. Your yearbook is filled with ...You guys are so great together. And...I' m glad you found each other. And...see you at your wedding in 7 years. Then you graduate, and everything changes. You SAY you'll always be together. Best friends, boyfriends. It's hard to imagine it now. Everybody went on and did other things! Some went into the military. Some moved out of their parents house right away. Some spent the summer, desperately holding on to our dreams of staying together. I was one that actually did all of those. Well, I didn't go into the military, but my sweetie did. I have wondered many times, what would have happened, if he hadn't left.

This boy changed my life. Let me back up for a minute. In Jr High, I had two friends. And lots of bitchy girls, who made fun of me. It really was horrid. Luckily, it only lasted 2 years, because the year my class went into 8th grade, the school district, decided to put 6th in middle school, and 9th in the high school... but I digress...

When I went to High School, I was SURE all those bitchy girls, were going to tell all the kids from the other Jr High, to not like me. I know...stupid, but still. I went in believing High school would be the same. I guess about a 3 months in, I met my best friend. We were in homeroom together.

So about my sophmore year, I realized that noone had told all the other kids about me, and it was UP to me, to make friends. I ran with the choir crowd. NOT popular in my high school. But we were happy. And in that crowd, I was in the IN group, you could say. I had boyfriends, from the music department. But honestly, they all treated me like crap. Ok, isn't that high school? But when your in a relatively small crowd, ya all kind of date each other ya know? Sounds creepy, I hope you know what I mean. So for the most part, the men in my life, had all treated me poorly. Not the 10th and 11th grade boys are men, but you get my point. Maybe I picked the wrong ones, or the wrong ones picked me, then dumped me, cuz I was a good girl.

Well by my senior year, all those stupid boys had graduated. It was a whole new year! Then a boy, NOT from the music department, took a shining to me! At first I thought it was a joke. Boys outside the music department, were not my friends, let alone thought I was cute. He was SOOOO smooth. It makes me laugh thinking about it.

We started dating, and to my surprise, he didn't treat me like crap. We had a GREAT relationship.We never fought, or even argued. My best friend, got a boyfriend about the same time, and we were all inseparable. We all went to prom together, some more tan than the same others...(inside joke)

This boy taught me, I can be friends with the "cool kids", I was worth being loved, and most importantly, I was beautiful. He also taught me about loss. He left for boot camp, way too early in our relationship. But it made me who I am today.

You can't help but think what if? What if he had never "hit" on me in the hall by my locker. What if he had never gone into the Navy. I honestly wonder what kind of person I would be if it hadn't been for him.

I challenge anyone who reads this, to think back, and write up something on your blog, about a person, who you think helped shape the person you are today!

Be sure to let me know!

Free Agency stinks...

Warning: This is very religious!

"Freedom for most people of the world means “freedom from” the absence of malice or pain or suppression. But the freedom that God means when He deals with us, goes one step further. He means “freedom to”—the freedom to act in the dignity of our own choice." F. Enzio Busche, “Freedom ‘from’ or Freedom ‘to’,” Liahona, Jan 2001, 97–99

I have made this choice many times. When I was a youth, I was counseled time and time again, "Make the choice now". Whether it be moral, or smoking, or drinking. Sure, I made the choice, I wasn't going to do things that were harmful to me. I went to church, and don't ever remember, as a youth, NOT wanting to go. I suppose, it was never an option to go or not. My Dad, most of my growing up, didn't go. But I honestly don't remember thinking, well I can stay home if he is. My mom may tell you different, but that is fine, she usually does. *smirk*

When I graduated, I went off to school. I went to be with the mormons. So again, going to church was what we did. Sure it made me happy, sure it helped me make right choices. But everybody went, so...so did I.

I had a good friend who went on a mission, and get sent home for having sex. We talked many times about Free Agency, and how you just need to make the choice, and deal with the consequences good or bad. We talked about how it's just easier to do the right thing, once you've made the choice. When your friends say, "Let's go out drinking...you just say no!" You don't have to think about it, the decision was made years ago.

I remember when he was excommunicated. He couldn't understand why they took everything away from him. I said, well, you made a choice, and it was the wrong one. His wrong choices affected many people. His family, cuz he was sent home dishonorably. The girl he had sex with. His missionary companion. And me. We dated, but were not dating when he left, we were friends. I watched him go through this, and how painful it was. ONE stupid choice, lead to years of pain. He married the girl, and was MISERABLE. Seems to me he called me from a closet once, she was very controlling. But I digress. He has since been rebaptized, and remarried, to a wonderful girl. I haven't talked to him in YEARS, but think of him and his free agency often.

Back to me. So then I went and met a cute boy. He wasn't a member of the church, but he sure was cute. We dated off and on for about a year and a half. I wanted to get married he didn't. I wanted to get married in the temple. He didn't even want to go to church. So I left, and went to California.

He didn't like that I left, and decided if he wanted me, he better start using HIS agency to make right choices. A year later, he asked me to marry him. He had been making right choices all that time. Funny thing is, I wasn't making very good choices in California, but it all changed for both of us, we were married in the temple, and life was grand.

We kept making right choices, and some wrong ones, but never wavered in our faith. Now we are a family. Last year, was trying. On faith, on going to church. We were in a new ward, and it was different. The people are different. The ward we moved out of, we had been in for 12 years. We grew up in that ward, we had 3 kids in that ward. It was family. It was REALLY hard to start over.

When we were told Jack wouldn't live. We had faith he would. We grew stronger as a family. Then when he was born, and was "fine", and we had to keep him home alot, it started. Suddenly, church was an option. Not CHURCH, but going. We were given such a miracle in Jack. I felt guilty for turning my back on church. Not that I was turning my back on anything, but the kids, learned...church was an option. If Mom doesn't go, we don't have to either. I decided a while ago, maybe beginning of the summer, it was no longer an option. We were falling apart, and needed the spirit back in our home. So...I decided that. See... free agency.

So...I struggle with them at church. I would GO but then let them go home after primary. This new ward, has Sacrament Meeting last. Well, yesterday, I decided, I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from going, and STAYING at church. That was a mistake. Satan was in charge. Then it happened. "We are making some changes. We'd like you to be the new ward chorister."

My heart sank. My eyes fill up with tears retelling you. This is BY FAR my favorite thing to do at church. BY FAR!!! It entails, leading the singing, for 3 sometimes 4 songs during the service. I get to pick them, and stand up and see everyones smiling faces. Why does my heart sink you ask? Because of Free Agency, I am sometimes at church alone. I have a 12 yr old, who is now passing to sacrament, and isn't sitting with us for 2 of the songs. I have a 10 yr old, who teases the 4 yr old incessantly, and my sweet baby. Who, by the third hour, is done. I am scared to death, at the prospect of doing this alone. But will I really be alone? Maybe this is just the thing the boys need to take some responsibility.

Ya know, I told you before, my Dad didn't go to church most of the time. My Mom played the organ. One of our funniest childhood memories, is the glares from the organ, when we were being too rowdy. But we were older. And there was no baby. I told the man who offered me this "job", my Mom did it, so can I. But can I? I think the Lord thinks I can. Otherwise, He wouldn't have "mentioned it" to anyone. Hey, I can do lots of things. I can survive 6 surgeries, on my sweet baby. I can survive 6 trips to the ER in 2 months. I can survive my mother. ;) I can survive the black cloud that has taken residence over my house. I can certainly survive leading the music, while my kids are embarrassing themselves. If I have to hold the baby, so be it. RIGHT??? So I'm invoking MY Free Agency. I have been given the freedom to choose, and I am choosing to be happy, despite what people around me are choosing.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Mad or blessed!?

So here I sit, alone with my thoughts. OH NO!!, you say. Well, not really...

He has done so well today, I can't even believe it! I'm still waiting for something bad to happen. Our room is small, but fine. It's certainly not where Em stayed, but it's nice, and clean. He was up running around all day! Took a little nap around 6:00, and was up and running when Gramma, and Emma came. We kept asking him, if he knew he'd had surgery.

He has never been fussy, or grumpy, or even acted like he's uncomfortable! He wasn't even a bit loopy. It is just weird. The Dr asked how he's been the last week, and was seriously shocked when we said totally fine!

Everyone...of course...is totally in love. He just stares everyone down. It is hysterical! He doesn't trust anyone! But he is very pleasant about it!

I did think about a few more things I hate about being here.

The pink admit bracelet.

Hearing the life flight helicopter, land on the roof.

The phones ringing, with their "non"ring. HATE IT!

The way his breath smells, from being intubated . HATE THAT TOO!

His name written in black on our name tags. Red for going home that day, Black for being admitted. Black...bad.

Did I mention the phones? It's like a Pavlovian response. I get all panicky. Hate it.

The fact that they tell you, you can't use the bathroom in the room. For pete's sake. He's a baby, like I'm gonna leave him to run down the hall.

On the bathroom note. I hate it when I go in there, and they come in the room and leave, thinking I'm not in the room. Murphy's law. Stupidness...

I hate the sound the IV fluids make. If you have heard it, you know what I mean!

I hate the D*** beeping, when he knocks off a lead, or his O2 thing. SHEESH!! Makes me nuts.

So...this is what I LOVE about coming here...and don't make fun of me!

The floor is clean.

They come and take out your garbage once a day, and I don't have to ask them 4 times.

They have fun toys.

My opinion matters. They ask me how I learn stuff. They ask me if I want to be involved in his care. They think I'm smart.

I am as important as Jack is. EVERYTIME someone comes in the room, with the exception of the garbage people, they ask if I need anything!

Every person that comes in the room, addresses Jack. They talk to him. They make sure it's OK with HIM if they come in, and do something. The man with the menu, talked to Jack, and showed him his name tag, and said he was from the kitchen. When Emma was in, the child life specialist, introduced herself and said I'm from the playroom, can I come in YOUR room!? Of course Emma said no, but that is irrelevant! ;)

We have the cutest male nurse tonight. We have chatted quite a bit about our mutual favorite TV shows, and he is SO cute with Jack, and me for that matter. He told the charge nurse I was his new girlfriend. So sweet...to flirt with a fat old lady in her Mommy jammies!!!

Sure I can't rewind the TV, and sure I have to look up, but it's here, and it keeps me entertained!

This whole experience has been so interesting. If he had not been sick, last May, and we had not asked for a CT scan, and requested an MRI6 months ago, I don't know what would have happened! We seriously fell over this. Tripped on it. Had it land in our laps. He had NO symptoms, yet the shunt was totally blocked, and not working. Someone commented, that they were thankful to be prepared, and not follow an ambulance. I'm certain, we would have! I am SO thankful, he is all fixed. And there was no trouble before hand. I had heard story after story, about kids in constant pain, and screaming for months, and not being themselves. I have been so blessed. I may have been mad yesterday, but today...I am counting my blessings.

Ya know what...

I don't want to take Jack to the hospital tomorrow.

I don't want to wait for them to call me and tell me what time I can come.

I don't want to spend 10 minutes on the phone, telling them....once again...all his issues. Can't they keep it on file?

I don't want to pack for an overnight stay.

I don't want to remember to get cash, so I can eat.

I don't want to eat at the "Rainbow Cafe".

I don't want to check in to same day surgery, and tell them everything...again.

I don't want to wait for them to come get us.

I don't want to send him off with the anesthesiologist.

I don't want to wait in the same day surgical family waiting room.

I don't want to watch the Doctors come in and out, and not talk to us.

I don't want to jump everytime the phone rings, hoping it is for ..."a parent for Jack Simmons"

I don't want to have that feeling, when they don't call for me. Because he isn't waking up from the anesthesia.

I don't want to leave Steve in the waiting room, and go back to see him. But I don't want Steve to go back first.

I don't want to get a crappy nurse. Not that we would, but I'm really not in the mood to!

I don't want to have to watch TV looking up. And not be able to rewind it.

I don't want to sleep on the crappy bed.

I don't want to miss Nick's second day of school, first day with all the grades.

I don't want to send Emma to my Mom's AGAIN...

I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to!!!!!!!!

But I will, and now that I've gotten it out...I feel better!!! A little...

...He's a Young Man!!

It's official. Nick is 12! And a YOUNG MAN!!!

I still can't believe it. It seems like last week, I was 2 weeks over due, and he had NO intentions of coming out! Sometimes I'm sad we didn't get more time, with just me and him-He and Parker are 2 years apart. It is what it is.

Friday was INSANE!!! Nick started school, and had a BLAST! He tells me he never got lost. But had to ask for directions...uh huh...He had lunch with his cute little girlie friend, and really liked all his teachers. *happy sigh*

Friday night, he went on an overnighter with scouts. So he was gone, with in 2 hours of getting home from school! Finally Saturday afternoon, he and Dad, went to get his birthday present. He got a custom skateboard, and pick everything out himself! HE IS SO EXCITED! I am a little nervous about letting him ride it to school, cuz we live at the top of the hill...to school. But we'll see... Plus, I think it's too big to fit in his locker. They are TINY!!

He's so funny. He told us today he wants to be a professional skate boarder. Heaven help me!

Last night, he and I passed out programs at the amphitheater. He has done it with me before. But this was the first time I didn't have to direct him in anyway. He's just getting old. It's weird.

Today, he received the priesthood. You can read more about that in these articles, I linked to before. becoming a deacon, passing the Sacrament And here's another great article about his new responsibilities at church. He was so excited. It was nice to see. One of our friends, said his son, was not even wanting to do it. So I'm glad Nick was happy, and looking forward to it!

Emma took this picture this morning. Of course...as my life goes, I didn't get one of everyone looking nice. He's not smiling, but you can see how old he looks!!

So Nick has the day off tomorrow, while the rest of the district starts school! Hopefully we can do something fun...ish...Of course, when you're 12, your mom's idea of fun, and your idea, are slightly different!

So, Nick...



Happy12th Birthday! I love you! I'm so proud of you. You are a great kid, and make me laugh everyday! Always remember who you are, and how much we love you!

YOU ROCK!!!

This is cute! It will make you think about how you really are. And I don't know about the hard working part. I guess I want to be, and it depends on what I'm working towards. You should take it too!! Very interesting!

The sorting hat says that I belong in Hufflepuff!

Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."

Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Digory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

And we're off....AGAIN!

We are in St George. We left around 11:30, and only had to stop once!! Holy hannah!!! We rolled into town around 4:00. Cool huh!?! The kids immediately went swimming, and Jack and Daddy stayed behind to figure out the internet. Luckily, it's free at this hotel!

Our hotel is so nice! The beds are more comfy then our beds at home! Emma thinks it is the greatest. There is a fridge and microwave. She is amazed by it! So funny!

The ride down we great. Jack only fussed a little, and once I figured out the cold air was blasting on his leg. He was fine! Emma whined a little, but only a little. It really...overall, went well!!

We drove thru the Cove Fort area. Oh my goodness. It is like a graveyard of trees. It made me teary, in one particular area. Just imagining the fear of EVERYONE involved, as this fire blazed thru 500 square miles. It was humbling to see it in person. I REALLY wanted to ride over to Cove Fort, but we didn't. Everyone was happy. Couldn't risk it ya know? Maybe on the way back! This picture, was the best one I could get, with out stopping. But it really doesn't even begin to tell the story.

So, it's 6:00 AM!! Jack is wide awake, therefore...everyone is! We are heading out, as soon as we can. But like I said, internet isn't free in Vegas....Although I'm sure someone...won't be able to resist. So I may be back on, I may not.

I do wanna take a minute to apologize, to friends I was hoping to hook up with here in St. George. We were feeling very anti social. And before we left, something bad happened to my computer(Steve), and I can't access my email, with the phone number I was supposed to call! Hopefully, one of my other friends got my text I was trying to sneak in, while we were at dinner.

*sigh*

It's just life with 4 kids, and tired parents. Things NEVER go the way you wish, and plan for. Rollin with the punches...that's our motto for this trip!!

Cove Fort Miracle

It's fire season here in Utah. This season is particularly bad. It is SO dry, we haven't had any rain, in like a month. And the heat is in the triple digits. It's so scary.

But a couple of stories have caught my attention, and I wanted to share them with you..
There is a fire around The Cove Fort. Here is info about it from their website.

The fort was built to offer protection and refreshment to the traveler. Beginning in 1847, pioneers began settling the high mountain valleys stretching from Idaho to California. They came here to worship in peace and to build homes and communities. The fort is made of lava rock, which workers hauled from west of the property. The fort is 100 square feet, 18.5 feet tall, 4 feet thick at the footings and 2.5 feet thick at the top.

Historic Cove Fort UtahIn 1867, the prophet Brigham Young called Ira Hinckley and his family to come and direct the building and operations of the fort.

Cove Fort has been restored to bring the past a little bit more to life. This is the only fort built by the Latter-day Saints in the 1800's that still stands.

The fire here is the biggest fire Utah has ever seen.

The Cove fort is run by senior couple missionaries. Here is a story on our local news, about the miracle at Cove Fort.

It got me teary. I hope you will find the miracle here, and find the miracles in your life, big and small.