Random thoughts

I wanted to tell you a few things.

~About Pres. Hinckley's passing... SO MANY neat stories. Here are a couple, you might not have heard about if you don't live in Utah. This one was about how teens did what they could to show their respect. This one was so sweet, it brought me to tears. Not hard lately, but still, it was nice. Be sure to watch the video. The funeral is on Sat. and he will lie in state, Thursday till then. I hope we can go. It's one of those once in a lifetime things ya know?

On a completely different note...

~The kids wanted to play spoons, and this time, Emma decided she would play. To guarantee she would continue to play, we/I made sure she won, the first few hands. Then I was trying to let her play by herself. Let me see if I can paint the picture.

She had 3 six's. I was watching, waiting for that last six. 'Cuz when you get 4 of a kind, you grab a spoon. So Parker also knew she was close, and he was actually the one who gave her the last six. So Parker and I, both know she has all 4. She hadn't figured it out yet. So I'm watching her, as she gingerly separates them, so she can see what she has. All the while Parker is saying..."Emma, when you get 4, get a spoon." over and over. She continues to fan them, FINALLY gets them fanned out, and we are all waiting for her to grab a spoon. Then...she starts to count them... (in a whisper-totally unaware we are all staring at her) pointing at each card... one... two... three... four... Then her face lit up, and she looked down...realizing she had to grab a spoon, before anyone else did, and SNATCHED it...cackling all the while! Then Parker and I grabbed ours, and left Nick in the dust!! She was SO proud of herself! Oh...my... goodness... I was laughing so hard, there were tears, and no noise. *sigh*

Just now, she said to me, "Are Dragons real?" I said no. "Are tigers real?" Yes. "Are giants real?" No. "Phew!" ...oh that girl...

~Jack did the sign for "hurt" today! I was SO shocked! We do SO MANY signs with him. He only has like maybe 5 signs he does spontaneously. You know, like on his own, without being prompted. He does: drink, more, fish, shoes, and pig (for every animal) He copies a ton, and recognizes even more. It's frustrating, cuz i feel like he's not doing as much as he could, and exciting when he actually does it. As far as words...um...ya. Mom, Huh?, Uh oh, ya that would be it. We are going to try increasing his speech therapy from 2 to 3 times a month. We also started MusikGarten at Early Intervention. So far(we've been 3 times)...he just sits on my lap. But I think that will help his speech too. There are other kids his age talking, AND... he LOVES music and dancing. So we'll see...

~Guess who picked the glue off...well, it wasn't me!! haha, luckily, it has healed nicely! Probably cuz it wasn't that big to begin with!! *rolling eyes at myself*

~And...we are having the most GLORIOUS snow!! Oh how I love it. Monday we were BLASTED!!! Still have like 6 inches in the backyard. They say tonight...while I'm sleeping :) ...we'll get 3-6 more! And more the end of the week! WOO HOO!!! Seriously love it!! I'll get a picture in the AM!!! Cuz I know you can't wait to see it! ;)

God's Will

I've been thinking a lot lately, about seeing the Lord's hand in things. This talk really struck me the first time I heard it. I hope you'll take time to either read it, or reread it.

At the Birth Defects Conference last week, Rachel Coleman spoke beautifully about her daughters, and how much she believed they had greatness in them. When the doctors kept telling them otherwise. This is a song she wrote for Lucy, who has spina bifida, and CP, But I think it applies to ALL of us. She said how one day, she saw a caterpillar, and thought, "I wonder if that little caterpillar knows what it is about to become?" I think so many of us, think we are only a caterpillar, and being a butterfly is way out of our reach. This song, reminds us, to believe we can be anything we want to be.



I have said this before, but I am SO thankful for my little Jack. Because of him, I have had so many amazing experiences, I never would have had. I have always know he was sent to me on purpose, and was special ordered with his 12 birth defects.

The other day, Shanna, talked about her feelings and shared this song. I hadn't heard it before, and I am SO GLAD she brought it to my attention. It is SO beautiful, and sums up exactly, what I'm meekly trying to say! Take a minute and listen to it. But get a tissue first. :) Thank you Shanna, and Martina!!

Together again

Our Dear Prophet has finally joined his sweet wife.

There was breaking news @ 8:03 pm...

President Gorden B Hinckley passed away at 7:00 pm at home, surrounded by his family.

How we will miss his wit, and his immense love for everyone, that you could feel when he entered the room. What a legacy he has left. What a glorious reunion must be going on in heaven...

Just imagine!

Beautiful pictures

I got an email today on one of my many support groups. Someone came across this picture on the internet, and was so touched by it, she shared it with the group.

Well, I have some of this artists work. This picture has been in my scriptures for years. The first time I saw it, I thought it was me. I love thinking it is me, being hugged and held, by Jesus. When I look at it, I can feel my head on His chest, and His arms wrapped around me. I can hear Him breathing, and I can feel how happy He is, to show His love for me.

One of the things I HAD to have at the hospital with me when Jack was born, was this picture. It meant SO much to me, and helped me to remember, no matter what happened with Jack, Jesus would be by his side every step of the way. Everyone who came in my room, and knew about Jack, was moved by it as well.

Then my Mom, gave us the picture to the left. If you look closely, you can see that she (my mom) "altered" the picture to make the baby look like he has a cleft. It hangs on my wall as a daily reminder, that Jack was made that way on purpose, and that Jesus loves him, and all of us.

I was going to put the pictures on here, but provided the links, so you can see the rest of her beautiful pictures, and read some of the stories that inspired her to draw them.

I hope you can find the same level of inspiration as so many others have.

Sammy runs in heaven now.

When we were told Jack had HPE, we came right home and googled it. We found this Yahoo group, and our lives were changed forever.

One mom in particular, Sammy's mom, was always there with a kind supportive word. She always knew exactly what to say, what words would inspire me, and bring me out of what ever funk I was in that day. She has a way with words, I only wish I had. I admire her so much, and consider her one of my hero's and idol's.

Sammy is a beautiful child full of love an light.

Here is an excerpt from her blog:

At 10:40pm last night, Sammy's spirit left his body and lept into the arms of his Heavenly Father. Today, we have hope that he runs, jumps, claps, laughs and all of those things that he couldn't do here. We miss him deeply, but we have joy that he is free.

Do you see what I mean? What an amazing women, and Mom. I know, that Sam's mission on earth, is finished, but his legacy will live on forever. This beautiful family, is an inspiration to so many. Please keep them, and everyone in their lives, in your prayers.

Updates and thoughts...

I've had so many deep thoughts this week, I realized I haven't given any updates! So here goes...

On being a guest speaker:

It went great! It was so fun. And people had really good questions. It's funny how when you tell a story, you don't realize what you've left out. Some were medical questions, some emotional. The professor asked, "Where do you find your strength?" How's that for a loaded question. The number one thing I said, was FAITH. Faith that he would be ok, faith that we would be able to handle it, if he wasn't. I also said how having support of family and friends makes a HUGE difference, and support groups too. I would totally be in the corner, sucking my thumb(to quote a friend) if I didn't have the support of those who have been there done that... They loved the video. I turned off the music, and let it play again, while I answered questions, so they could see the pictures again. They liked it, I think.

So, of course I forgot a couple of key points, but the most important one...not to terminate based of prenatal findings, I remembered. And, I told them about Early Intervention and how important it is, and how much they have helped Jack.

It really is amazing to me, that not only did I do well, but wasn't really nervous. Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact the old me, would NOT have done that!


On being the Sacrament Meeting Chorister:

It's going really well. So far. We've all been there together, it's been nice. Last week, Emma sat with me for the first two songs. She was cute, and so excited to sit up front! I've also had at least two people say..."SURE, I'd LOVE to sit with the kids!" One friend even said, "You don't even have to ask, I'll just do it." SO nice!!! It's so fun to stand up in front of everyone, and see my favorite people smiling at me! I also LOVE to sit up there, and watch Jack. He is so cute, and I love watching Steve with him. He loves Daddy so much!


On Emma's broken arm:

She's doing great! It smells, and is filthy, but she really isn't complaining much. She gets it off, a week from Monday. If you missed the picture before, here it is. She was SO adamant on NOT having her picture taken. She has her own mind, if you didn't know that already! So this one, I snuck in!!

She's been so excited to have people sign it, and shows it off all the time!!

She's even been great about taking a bath, she just puts her arm on the side of the tub. She even does a good job washing her hands!! I'm proud of her, she's been great! Although, her follow-up with urology, is this week, SO dreading it, I can't even tell you. I'm going to call on Monday, and see about some"don't care drugs". ugh


On the boys and school:

Nick is doing GREAT. His IEP is the BEST thing we could have EVER DONE He is struggling with old issues in a couple of classes, but the other 4, he has an A in! Math, the reason we even STARTED the IEP process, is going great! He has lots of extra help, and has had two tests now, and got an A on both!! He LOVES Jr High and Young Mens, and is just a busy little bee. He always has something going on. It's so fun watching him grow up!

Parker is doing great too! He's loving 4th grade, and has gotten really great about taking his meds, ON HIS OWN!!! YAY! Such a triumph! He's really growing up too! He does hate getting left behind, when Nick is off being "older". But that's life right! I think it's my fault. When they were little, they came as a set. They did everything together. So I recognize, he doesn't like being left behind. Hopefully, he'll be over it by the time Nick goes on a mission, or at least when he gets married! I picture him running after the limo...screaming...WHY CAN'T I COME??!! Ok, don't tell him I said that!!! *grin*


On Jack:

He's doing fine. We have another CT scan, a week from Monday. I think it will be fine, but who knows. One thing I am concerned about, is his under-bite, seems to be getting worse. His bottom teeth, completely cover his top two teeth.the middle front ones. I don't think they would do anything now, but it just adds to my worry, ya know? And his ankles are just getting worse. Oh my heck. We are currently waiting for a physical therapy consult, with our old PT, from early intervention. I'm tempted to just call up to Shriner's, and make an appointment. I think I'll wait to hear from Mike, and go from there! His OT, really wants to get some ideas, and helping him walk with his legs straighter. He walks so well, but with his knees bent. His hamstrings are pretty tight, which has always been an issue. So we'll see how that goes!


On ME:

It's been a week now, and I think the meds are helping with my mood. But I've also been really busy this week, with things that are good for my mood. If that makes sense. But... I never, at one point, didn't want to do anything. Ok, maybe a little, but I was able to overcome it, and go for it! That's HUGE!! I'm so glad I got off my butt and did something about my funk!

Also, MANY people this week, have had SO many great things to say. I encourage you to go read the comments. I especially want to thank Lisa, and Dan. You guys have helped me SO much lately. You ALWAYS have the right thing to say, and REALLY support me in everything I do. And have helped me see how great I can be! Even though I tell you, you are are mean(all the time) ;), I really appreciate it. Thanks guys!! I LOVE YOU GUYS...more than you'll ever know! I'm so luck to have you both in my life! And Steve has been great lately too, helping with the kids, and being willing to let me loose a few times. That is a GREAT mood stabilizer, getting out of the house!!! Thank You, Honey! I LOVE YOU!

Well, that's it for now. Lisa dragged me to a conference, and I really want to tell you about it, but I'll save it for tomorrow! :)

Oh, I also added another "Kid-ism"(scroll to the bottom of the page), and you can see all my Youtube videos, under those! Check it out!

Free Agency stinks...

Warning: This is very religious!

"Freedom for most people of the world means “freedom from” the absence of malice or pain or suppression. But the freedom that God means when He deals with us, goes one step further. He means “freedom to”—the freedom to act in the dignity of our own choice." F. Enzio Busche, “Freedom ‘from’ or Freedom ‘to’,” Liahona, Jan 2001, 97–99

I have made this choice many times. When I was a youth, I was counseled time and time again, "Make the choice now". Whether it be moral, or smoking, or drinking. Sure, I made the choice, I wasn't going to do things that were harmful to me. I went to church, and don't ever remember, as a youth, NOT wanting to go. I suppose, it was never an option to go or not. My Dad, most of my growing up, didn't go. But I honestly don't remember thinking, well I can stay home if he is. My mom may tell you different, but that is fine, she usually does. *smirk*

When I graduated, I went off to school. I went to be with the mormons. So again, going to church was what we did. Sure it made me happy, sure it helped me make right choices. But everybody went, so...so did I.

I had a good friend who went on a mission, and get sent home for having sex. We talked many times about Free Agency, and how you just need to make the choice, and deal with the consequences good or bad. We talked about how it's just easier to do the right thing, once you've made the choice. When your friends say, "Let's go out drinking...you just say no!" You don't have to think about it, the decision was made years ago.

I remember when he was excommunicated. He couldn't understand why they took everything away from him. I said, well, you made a choice, and it was the wrong one. His wrong choices affected many people. His family, cuz he was sent home dishonorably. The girl he had sex with. His missionary companion. And me. We dated, but were not dating when he left, we were friends. I watched him go through this, and how painful it was. ONE stupid choice, lead to years of pain. He married the girl, and was MISERABLE. Seems to me he called me from a closet once, she was very controlling. But I digress. He has since been rebaptized, and remarried, to a wonderful girl. I haven't talked to him in YEARS, but think of him and his free agency often.

Back to me. So then I went and met a cute boy. He wasn't a member of the church, but he sure was cute. We dated off and on for about a year and a half. I wanted to get married he didn't. I wanted to get married in the temple. He didn't even want to go to church. So I left, and went to California.

He didn't like that I left, and decided if he wanted me, he better start using HIS agency to make right choices. A year later, he asked me to marry him. He had been making right choices all that time. Funny thing is, I wasn't making very good choices in California, but it all changed for both of us, we were married in the temple, and life was grand.

We kept making right choices, and some wrong ones, but never wavered in our faith. Now we are a family. Last year, was trying. On faith, on going to church. We were in a new ward, and it was different. The people are different. The ward we moved out of, we had been in for 12 years. We grew up in that ward, we had 3 kids in that ward. It was family. It was REALLY hard to start over.

When we were told Jack wouldn't live. We had faith he would. We grew stronger as a family. Then when he was born, and was "fine", and we had to keep him home alot, it started. Suddenly, church was an option. Not CHURCH, but going. We were given such a miracle in Jack. I felt guilty for turning my back on church. Not that I was turning my back on anything, but the kids, learned...church was an option. If Mom doesn't go, we don't have to either. I decided a while ago, maybe beginning of the summer, it was no longer an option. We were falling apart, and needed the spirit back in our home. So...I decided that. See... free agency.

So...I struggle with them at church. I would GO but then let them go home after primary. This new ward, has Sacrament Meeting last. Well, yesterday, I decided, I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from going, and STAYING at church. That was a mistake. Satan was in charge. Then it happened. "We are making some changes. We'd like you to be the new ward chorister."

My heart sank. My eyes fill up with tears retelling you. This is BY FAR my favorite thing to do at church. BY FAR!!! It entails, leading the singing, for 3 sometimes 4 songs during the service. I get to pick them, and stand up and see everyones smiling faces. Why does my heart sink you ask? Because of Free Agency, I am sometimes at church alone. I have a 12 yr old, who is now passing to sacrament, and isn't sitting with us for 2 of the songs. I have a 10 yr old, who teases the 4 yr old incessantly, and my sweet baby. Who, by the third hour, is done. I am scared to death, at the prospect of doing this alone. But will I really be alone? Maybe this is just the thing the boys need to take some responsibility.

Ya know, I told you before, my Dad didn't go to church most of the time. My Mom played the organ. One of our funniest childhood memories, is the glares from the organ, when we were being too rowdy. But we were older. And there was no baby. I told the man who offered me this "job", my Mom did it, so can I. But can I? I think the Lord thinks I can. Otherwise, He wouldn't have "mentioned it" to anyone. Hey, I can do lots of things. I can survive 6 surgeries, on my sweet baby. I can survive 6 trips to the ER in 2 months. I can survive my mother. ;) I can survive the black cloud that has taken residence over my house. I can certainly survive leading the music, while my kids are embarrassing themselves. If I have to hold the baby, so be it. RIGHT??? So I'm invoking MY Free Agency. I have been given the freedom to choose, and I am choosing to be happy, despite what people around me are choosing.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Got a new look!!

Do ya like it!?

I have a deep blog I've been planning all day. But I took my pill, and it's too late now, after all the redesigning.

But here's a hint.

I wanna talk about how free agency sucks, when it is not my own.

I wanna tell you how Church sucks...alone.

I wanna tell you some wonderful stories of faith, and standing up for whats right, and making right choices.

So that is for tomorrow. Get excited!!! :)

Ok...I'm feeling better..

So we have to be there at 10:00. There will be a few friends there the same time as us. And people have offered to visit. But once he's out, I think we'll lay low. I don't know how he'll be. This is the first brain surgery, since he was 3 weeks old.

I keep thinking he will be fine, but I have to be ready for anything...ya know!??

It's just SO frustrating to have NO CONTROL!! They say they have set 2 hours for him. But who knows.

And ya know, it IS a GREAT hospital. He is in GREAT hands, and I wouldn't do it anywhere else. I like knowing what to expect, and I hate it! And the best thing, is I can take you all with me...sort of...

:)

I'm here...treading water...

Sorry it's been so long. Many emotional things going on. Trying to crawl out of the hellish life I've dug for myself. I'm on the up climb I think. I hope. It is up to me after all.

So let's see... with my Mom's help, The boys are getting there room cleaned up. They have bunk beds that have been stacked since Jack was born, but Parker feeling isolated I guess, on top. So last night we moved their beds around, and their furniture. They LOVE it! And Emma and Jack like it too, cuz they can play in there now. My mom said, "How does so much stuff get on their floor?" I said..."Seriously...they just drop it when they are done!" Anyway, I hope they will keep it nice. And ya, ya, I need to make them. *sticking tongue out*

Jack is just all over the place. Yesterday, he climbed onto my chair, up the back, and was playing with stuff on the mantel. OY VEY... Every time I turn around, he is into something else! We've missed alot of church this summer, for lots of reasons, illness, out of townness, laziness. So people haven't really seen Jack walking yet. In our womens meeting, some one was addressing the group, and commented on Jack walking. And what a miracle he is.

You know, I forget. When he's splashing in the toilet, eating poop like it's a brownie, or dumping out a bag of cereal on the floor, or throwing a hissy fit, cuz I walked by and didn't pick him up. I don't know how I could forget , but I do. I look at him now, and I don't think there is anything wrong with him. He has his MRI on the 13th. I'm SO curious what it will show. So curious. His ankle turn in still when he walks, and I haven't put his DAFO's on in weeks. I'm sure they don't even fit him now. But he is doing good, so I don't worry. BUT...I worry that he should wear them, and I'm causing him future problems. Whatever...

Emma is doing better everyday. We had her follow up last week, and a renal ultrasound. They found that her right kidney is still dilated. Which is normal, but needs to be rechecked. And...they are going to have to do a nuclear cystogram, which is to put it lightly....HORRID. The last time she had it done, she was MORTIFIED, to say the least. *sigh* I think I'm going to call and see if I can get her some valium or something. It's not till Sept 29th. But I am SO not looking forward to it. This one, I can't sugarcoat. UGH... When we went to the hospital for her follow up, she wanted to go to the fountain near the front door, and make a wish. Her wish..."I wish I didn't have to have surgery". It's funny, and sad.

So Nick. Nick turns 12 a week from Friday. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm trying not to think about how old it makes me. But this 12th birthday weekend, is HUGE. He starts Jr High on his birthday. He graduates from Primary, our children's church group. And starts going to Young Men's, our church youth group. He also will become a deacon, and pass the Sacrament. Here's another great article about all his changes at church. Of course I think he's not ready. But I'm pretty sure every mom does. They have also invited Nick to go to Youth Conference. THIS gave me a panic attack. It's a fun spiritual weekend, that when I was a teenager, you couldn't go till you were 14. This is on a smaller level, so the 12 and 13 yr old CAN go. ANYWAY....lots of changes coming up for Nick. And me...wish me luck!

So I decided to try a sippy cup with Jack again... Check it out...again...ignore me...you can here him SWALLOW!!! Sorry, I can't get it to embed. Stupid google.

So that is us, Oh...and check kid-isms, there is a new one!!!

Cove Fort Miracle

It's fire season here in Utah. This season is particularly bad. It is SO dry, we haven't had any rain, in like a month. And the heat is in the triple digits. It's so scary.

But a couple of stories have caught my attention, and I wanted to share them with you..
There is a fire around The Cove Fort. Here is info about it from their website.

The fort was built to offer protection and refreshment to the traveler. Beginning in 1847, pioneers began settling the high mountain valleys stretching from Idaho to California. They came here to worship in peace and to build homes and communities. The fort is made of lava rock, which workers hauled from west of the property. The fort is 100 square feet, 18.5 feet tall, 4 feet thick at the footings and 2.5 feet thick at the top.

Historic Cove Fort UtahIn 1867, the prophet Brigham Young called Ira Hinckley and his family to come and direct the building and operations of the fort.

Cove Fort has been restored to bring the past a little bit more to life. This is the only fort built by the Latter-day Saints in the 1800's that still stands.

The fire here is the biggest fire Utah has ever seen.

The Cove fort is run by senior couple missionaries. Here is a story on our local news, about the miracle at Cove Fort.

It got me teary. I hope you will find the miracle here, and find the miracles in your life, big and small.