#15. His rugged good looks. #14. He makes a mean Mac and Cheese #13. From Emma: He is BIG, and can swing me around and give me piggyback rides!! :) #12. He tries to see the good in everyone. #11. He can open jars. :) #10. He has an AMAZING memory. Which is good and bad... ;) #9. He is so sweet and kind. #8. He can eat a whole Little Caesars $5 pizza by himself. #7. He is very witty and makes us laugh. #6. He's very suave and charming. I wonder where he learned it from... :) #5. He loves "playing" halo with Jack. Mostly cuz he can beat him. haha #4. He has THE BIGGEST Heart!! And it's pretty tender, but don't tell him I told you that. #3. He LOVES Ice cream. I know, not very unique, but I still love that about him. :) #2. From Parker: He buys me food when he has money.... haha
THE NUMBER ONE REASON WE LOVE Nick: Because he is OUR son, brother, guy with black hair/cousin, nephew, grandson, and friend... and NOT YOURS!!! :) haha... cheesey, I know.
I have known 5 people in the last 2 months, who have passed away. I'm sorry, but that is too many. The first two, have been ill for many years, so there is no shock, only relief. The last three... Were WAY TOO YOUNG... and it's just not fair.
But I write this post to honor those friends in these peoples lives, who may not receive all the condolences the family gets. These are the people who selflessly give their time, and emotional energy to the grieving families, and act as anchor in the sea of sadness. Being an anchor, the stable force in the situation, makes it hard to mourn yourself. They are the ones asking for prayers for the family. The ones that continually worries about everyone but themselves. The one that is often overlooked as needing prayers too.
I want to say thank you to Jann, Joey and Suzi. Thank you for doing what I couldn't do. Thank you for being there, when I couldn't. Thank you for taking time and emotional energy away from your own families, when someone else needed you. I know you will be blessed beyond measure, and the souls who have gone to heaven are putting in a good word for you!!
To Jane, Kennadee and Shawn: You fought a good fight. Now you can rest and watch over us. May you Rest in Peace and play hard in Heaven!! :)
We love Clo-udy w/a chan ce o' Meet ba lls at our house. I write it like that so when it's googled my blog wont be listed.
Anyway we love it. Here's why I love it. It's all about being yourself, and how when you try too hard to impress people it usually backfires. It's a lesson to parents, to TRY to be interested in what you kids are doing, and TRY to communicate with them. It's a lesson for kids, to stop and THINK about what you are doing, and TRY to listen to the people who really care about you, NOT the person who is trying to get you to do bad things, even when they make them sound REALLY good. And to know that even if your parents don't say it the right way, they still love you and are proud of you. :)
Hadn't found all THAT had you? ;)
And here is a super cute video of Jack giving me a "Flintlockwood Kiss" You have to not lock away, and be prepared, it's only 3 seconds long. But do take note of Jack sweet grin at the end. He is so freakin cute. ;)
Jack's 4th birthday is coming up. While in a normal family this would be an exciting time, I can't help reflect on what almost was. I have said it before, that I forget. I'm not sure if its a defense mechanism or what. But when he is pinching me, or throwing a hissy fit because I won't get him cereal fast enough, or becoming limp and throwing himself on the floor when I need him to do something... I forget. Even when he is the sweetest little boy on the planet, and grabs my face with his tiny little hands to give me a kiss... I forget.
To catch up newcomers, when I was 27 weeks pregnant, Jack was diagnosed with Semi Lobar Holoprosencephaly. They told us he wouldn't live and gave us the option to terminate, twice. Looking back, it seems as if that time period was so short. The... "He's going to die" time period. So short, I forget.
But I don't want to forget. I mean, I do. But I can't.
When we first found out about everything, we SCOURED the internet looking for support. And did we ever find it! The first thing we found was the HPE Yahoo group. Our doctors gave us no hope he would survive. No hope he would be any kind of normal even if he did. But this amazing group of women, gave us HoPE. That is how we refer to it. Holoprosencephaly's acronym is HPE. So HoPE means something special. More than just hope. :)
I try to keep in touch with these sweet families. Every once in awhile I let one of these babies take a piece of my heart. The latest is Kara Faith. Her Mommy shared her with me(and others) daily, during a very difficult time and I am a better person for it. Now I want to share her with you.
Now the song. The song is so beautiful. I HAD to find out more about about it. The first thing I came across this video about sweet Audrey, who the song was written about. As I looked further into the song, I stumbled upon these videos telling the story of Audrey.
As I watch them, I feel like I am watching myself tell the same story. But as I watch it, it I am struck by just how much I have buried and forgotten. I was dumbfounded, how parallel our stories are. We too were first told he had Downs Syndrome. Then he had swelling on his brain, then a cleft lip... it just piled and piled. We too were told he would die in-utero, or only live a few hours. While we looked into funeral services, he had hiccups and was doing flips inside of me. We made a birth plan with two sides. One side if he lived, one side if he didn't.
But there is one GIANT difference. Jack, is fine. Jack is beautiful, and alive, and smells like a little boy. Were they wrong? Or was he healed? He wasn't supposed to live. He was supposed to leave us. But he didn't.
These two beautiful girls did. As I have prayed for and read about these families, I am struck once again with the overwhelming guilt that mine is fine. I don't even know if you can call it that. Can you call it, "The One Who Survived" Syndrome? I don't know.
Can someone explain to me... why I got to keep mine, and they didn't? I know, I know, God's Plan... Well sometimes... I think God's plan stinks. Why do babies die? Why do Mommy's get cancer and leave their babies? Why are people killed in car accidents? Why are some people healed and others are not?
Now, before you get all wacky on me... I am BEYOND grateful for my Jack. He has taught me so much. But he has brought me into a world, that some days, I wish I didn't know about. Sometimes I long for the days when I wasn't reminded on a daily basis, that babies die, or struggle everyday to live.
But... MORE times, I am SO thankful Jack came to us the way he did. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for having enough faith in me, to send Jack to us. For giving me a voice to to tell our story. I am truly honored and immeasurably blessed to live in the world that Jack brought us into.
